my best friend told me my ex asked her how i was this weekend. i know he probably said it completely nonchalantly and didn’t mean anything by it.. but i want him to. i want him to miss me. i want him to want me back. i want him to feel as shitty as i do all the time. she told him that i was doing well and that i was fine even though she knows i’m a complete mess. i want him to be too. i want him to hate his life so much that he doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. i want him. is that wrong?

i just got back from seeing the vow. if you’re emotionally stable, go see it. if not.. wait till that shit’s on DVD and watch it in the privacy of your own home. i am probably the most unstable person ever. therefore i was bawling my eyes out the moment the movie started all up until the credits. it doesn’t mean to make you upset but i promise you it’ll bring up all of those underlying emotions and thoughts. it made me think of my ex.. shocker. but it also made me think of how tonight, every single one of my friends is going to this big birthday party.. and i wasn’t invited. that fucking hurts. it sucks to feel unwanted. to have all of your friends but one not even think about saying hey do you think my friend could come too? so i’m sitting home on a saturday night crying, wallowing in self pity, and seriously just wanting to kill myself.. and i’m putting the blame on Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. you jerks.

my boyfriend broke up with me four months ago. it hurt so bad my heart legit hurt. it still hurts now. whoever said that ‘it gets better’ was a fucking moron. it doesn’t. everytime i think about him it’s like i can feel my heart break all over again.

a new guy is into me. it’s been four months since my ex left me. some may say that’s a long time, others may say it’s not very long at all. me? it’s felt like years. everyday is really long and lonely. being wanted by someone is a nice change. but i’m scared. i’ve heard rumors about him that only came from this one semi-unreliable source. i already have trust issues and am terrified of getting hurt again so it’s definitely holding me back. part of me is telling me “fucking go for it stop being such a pussy” and another part is saying “i want my ex back, i’m scared”. i won’t lie i still want him back… every part of me does. but i feel stupid for holding on.

(Source: havesomepieceofmind)

i still miss him and i hate it.

(Source: havesomepieceofmind)